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* ATTD News Letter Number 87
Sunday, August 20, 2006 *
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Question: I have a big problem. my entire life has revolved around the concepts of how my life should be. and it seems that throughout my life I have lived my life through these concepts that I have built up but they have never brought me any lasting happiness. It seems that everything in the outside world and my own self image has never conformed to the rigid thoughts in my head. life is fluid.
At the same time I am afraid that once it is seen through that there is no me I will be completely vulnerable. It seems, even though my thoughts have not brought me happiness, they have protected me. When it is seen through that this entire story of me is false, then what is left? How does life continue when one doesn't become hooked into one's own story? I now feel totally confused, lost, and afraid.
Answer:
Fear may arise, but there is nothing to be afraid of when -as you say- "it is seen through that this entire story of me is false."
If that happens, who would be there to suffer the consequences of seeing (t)his non-existence?
When the exclusive 'I-dentification' as the individual character comes unhinged, life unfolds as it always does; by ItSelf and of ItSelf. At the same time it may generate less ideas of an 'I' who has a life, does the thinking, and is confused or vulnerable.
When seen from such a 'no I perspective' reality may appear to flip inside out like an Escher picture. All of a sudden it can be clear that there is no one having a life, but that Life appears as all apparent characters, including 'you.'
Emotions like fear could still arise as a natural functioning to protect the body mind organism, but 'What-You-Truly-Are' is not limited to he body mind organism and needs no protection. IT is Self Arising, Unborn and free of any fear or confusion. You Are THAT Freedom.
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| | Seeking |  |
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While it appears that 'I am seeking', there seems to be a path towards an imagined idea of fulfilment. Things happen in the play, which seem to signify very important and special steps towards a final goal. There seems to be a growing or flowering. This is all absolutely, beautifully, perfectly wonderful as well as beautifully, perfectly disappointing. At each apparent step of this spiritual path, there is such hope, which is followed by great disappointment. Hope, that this is the step that is the true way to fulfilment, and disappointment at the discovery that actually, this is not it. But not to worry, the next hopeful step shows its head pretty soon and the path goes on. The seeker actually loves to seek. She is not interested in being found.
Seeking is such a beautiful game. There seems to be such desperation to know. It can seem so painful. The thoughts seem to fight with letting go. Ideas that there is something to do or find, contradict the knowing that there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. There is such fear but also such attraction to falling into not knowing. It often feels like all that is known and familiar is crumbling and that can feel terrifying. It is such an exciting drama of thoughts and emotions. Although it can be incredibly painful, it is also an addictive drug that cannot be given up. The seeker cannot give up itself. Seeking is actually just another way of keeping up the pretence that I am hiding from what I am. The struggle goes on, until it stops.
Then it is recognised that there is no individual seeker. The whole pretence is seen for what it is. There never was a seeker. There was never any path to go anywhere. There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to seek. What is being sought is even in the seeking itself.
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| | Unmani in Amsterdam |  |
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Meetings with Unmani in Amsterdam.
Saturday 2nd September. 2.00-5.00pm at:
De Roos, Centrum voor Creatieve & Spirituele Groei
P.C. Hooftstraat 183
1071 BW Amsterdam
Cost:20 Euros
Sunday 3rd September from 2-5.30pm at:
Vogelenzangstraat 38-II
1058 ST Amsterdam
Cost:20 Euros
For more information or advanced bookings you can email Unmani at:
unmanicool@yahoo.co.uk
Or call her in the UK on 0044-20-89618471.
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| | Awakened Poetry |  |
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The moon in the sky
You stop to point at the moon in the sky,
but the finger's blind unless the moon is shining.
One moon, one careless finger pointing --
are these two things or one?
The question is a pointer guiding
a novice from ignorance thick as fog.
Look deeper. The mystery calls and calls:
No moon, no finger -- nothing there at all.
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| | ATTD Links |  |
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